My husband and I grew up with families in two very different tax brackets. He rarely had to do many chores around the house–in all fairness, he was very involved in school/sports/band, etc. I had chores starting when I was a kid and was able to earn an allowance, although mostly, doing chores was just to help out around the house. I could be pretty biased, but I think having kids do chores helps develop necessary skills, as well as teach responsibility.
Well, as a result of not having to do many chores as a kid, in addition to never really asking his parents to teach him things, my husband ended up as an adult that didn’t know how to do basic life skills. Or as some people call it, a man child. When I met him, his mom would drive all the way up to his dorm, pick up his dirty laundry, go back to her house, do his laundry, then bring it back and PUT IT AWAY for him. At the time, my husband and I were just best friends, so he received a crock of shit from me about that.
There is nothing wrong with parents making things easier for their kids. This world sucks and good parents (like my husband’s) make it better in all the ways they possibly can. I get it…but, back to the man child.
I had to teach my husband a large variety of life skills when we started dating and eventually moved in with one another. I wasn’t planning on doing all of the housework by myself, and no one should. Oftentimes, I would get this response: “Well, I don’t know how”. To his credit, most of the time, he truly did not know how to complete an everyday task like mowing the lawn or changing a tire, etc. by himself. There were times, however, where I knew for a fact that he knew how to do something because I had either seen him do it before or taught him how to myself. I feel that this is a common problem that (mostly women) face with their significant others or roommates.
“Learned Helplessness” as therapy folks call it. Those who are used to having others do things for them or show them how to do things, folks that are afraid of stepping out to try doing something themselves, dependent folks, and those whose mental illnesses are horribly debilitating show the symptoms of learned helplessness the most frequently. This isn’t a bash on my husband or his parents at all. This behavior can be annoying, but it helps to know the reasons behind it.
People often ask me why I find cleaning and organizing so rewarding as to start my own business in this field. I like to help people. Cleaning and organizing, for a multitude of individual reasons, helps people. Teaching others life skills, helps people. Sometimes people either don’t know how, don’t have the time, or display some mental barriers, including learned helplessness, in keeping up with their homes, and I am here to help with that, without judgment.
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